Repenting with a Sorrowful Heart
The other day I drove down the road to the grocery store and parked my car in the back of the parking lot, seeking solitude and solace with God. I needed to be alone. I needed to repent. I needed to confess my recent sins and all the years that I had strayed away from Him. I read my Bible, prayed, cried, and poured out my heart. I left greatly comforted with the truths God revealed to me, but I was still not fully satisfied. What had gone wrong? As Proverbs 28:13 says, "He who conceals his sins will not succeed; he who confesses and abandons them will gain mercy." Had I not confessed to the Lord's satisfaction? Had God turned away from me? Was I lost forever? Thankfully, God does not turn a deaf ear toward us. He does indeed listen, and He puts people in our lives to correct "those He loves". (Hebrews 12:6)
"7 Keep asking, and it will be given to you; keep seeking, and you will find; keep knocking, and the door will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who keeps asking receives; he who keeps seeking finds; and to him who keeps knocking, the door will be opened." (Matthew 7:7-8)
Young people need elders to encourage and guide them, so I went to my mother, my most trustworthy advisor, who is a Titus 2 woman and has always taught me "what is good". I presented my problem before her. I did not tell her all the details; still, her response was exactly what I needed, and as she spoke I felt God's whisper like the first rays of sunshine peeking over the horizon, "That's it." She brought to my attention Hebrews 12, where Paul mentions how Esau traded his birthright for a single meal. "For you know that afterwards, when he wanted to obtain his father's blessing, he was rejected; indeed, even though he sought it with tears, his change of heart was to no avail." (Hebrews 12:17) Although Esau acknowledged that he had done wrong, he did not recognize the full extent of his sin. He repented only to gain something in return.
Similarly, King David, who had been called a man after God's own heart (1 Samuel 13:14), committed adultery and (indirectly) murder. Only when he was confronted did David fully recognize what he had done, saying, "I have sinned against the Lord," and this acknowledgment saved his life. (2 Samuel 12:13) Still, as a consequence for his sin, God said he would kill his son and cause chaos in his home. David hoped to save his son by praying, fasting, and sleeping on the floor, yet these actions were not out of repentance but selfishly hoping to take advantage of God's grace. (2 Samuel 12:14-23)
I realize that, like Esau and David, I had repented only so I could receive a blessing in return. I did not acknowledge that I had sinned against God. I took advantage of His grace, using it as a pillow to cushion my future mistakes, and disgraced His name. How often we do this! As we fall into self-pity, we forget that our sins are directly committed against the Lord. We take His holiness and righteousness for granted, in favor of a solely loving and forgiving God. He desires that we be holy as He is holy (1 Peter 1:16). He desires that our repentance be willing, not mandatory - sorrowful and true, not cold and forced. God is loving and gracious, but He is equally just and pure. It's time that we, as believers in Yeshua (Jesus), stop abusing God's grace and ignoring His righteousness. We will inevitably make mistakes, and when we do, we must fall on our knees before Him and repent with a sorrowful heart. Be a David among the Esaus.
Young people need elders to encourage and guide them, so I went to my mother, my most trustworthy advisor, who is a Titus 2 woman and has always taught me "what is good". I presented my problem before her. I did not tell her all the details; still, her response was exactly what I needed, and as she spoke I felt God's whisper like the first rays of sunshine peeking over the horizon, "That's it." She brought to my attention Hebrews 12, where Paul mentions how Esau traded his birthright for a single meal. "For you know that afterwards, when he wanted to obtain his father's blessing, he was rejected; indeed, even though he sought it with tears, his change of heart was to no avail." (Hebrews 12:17) Although Esau acknowledged that he had done wrong, he did not recognize the full extent of his sin. He repented only to gain something in return.
Similarly, King David, who had been called a man after God's own heart (1 Samuel 13:14), committed adultery and (indirectly) murder. Only when he was confronted did David fully recognize what he had done, saying, "I have sinned against the Lord," and this acknowledgment saved his life. (2 Samuel 12:13) Still, as a consequence for his sin, God said he would kill his son and cause chaos in his home. David hoped to save his son by praying, fasting, and sleeping on the floor, yet these actions were not out of repentance but selfishly hoping to take advantage of God's grace. (2 Samuel 12:14-23)
I realize that, like Esau and David, I had repented only so I could receive a blessing in return. I did not acknowledge that I had sinned against God. I took advantage of His grace, using it as a pillow to cushion my future mistakes, and disgraced His name. How often we do this! As we fall into self-pity, we forget that our sins are directly committed against the Lord. We take His holiness and righteousness for granted, in favor of a solely loving and forgiving God. He desires that we be holy as He is holy (1 Peter 1:16). He desires that our repentance be willing, not mandatory - sorrowful and true, not cold and forced. God is loving and gracious, but He is equally just and pure. It's time that we, as believers in Yeshua (Jesus), stop abusing God's grace and ignoring His righteousness. We will inevitably make mistakes, and when we do, we must fall on our knees before Him and repent with a sorrowful heart. Be a David among the Esaus.
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